She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
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I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
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After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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