i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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