My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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