..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
