i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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