trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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