how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
