My room smells like vodka and shame
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
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and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
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In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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