booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
