just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
