I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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