I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
