My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
