The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize