Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
