I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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