i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
