I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
