So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
