I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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