There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He shit in the fireplace
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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