I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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