awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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