So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize