I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
