Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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