She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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