Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
