So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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