i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
