btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
