You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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