I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
