it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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