Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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