I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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