She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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