I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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