it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
