no, he came in my armpit
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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