A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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