I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
