So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
