my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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