he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
