I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
