One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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