Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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