I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
