Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
