I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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