Say something about gay babies.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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