U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
