Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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