My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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