Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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