he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
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who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
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