i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
