I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
