your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
