Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
