I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
