we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
